Homecoming

It happened October 18th on the very small island of Sri Lanke that my long time friend, that I called my younger brother, died suddenly of a massive heart attack. He died a spiritual death if you believe in numerology. October being the 10th month which adds up to 1, the 18th adds up to nine, and he died on the 12th hole playing in a golf tournament, which adds up to 3. If you watched the Olympics you know that 8 means change in Chinese numerology. As a Gnostic the number 3 and 9 represent the trinity. One is also a highly spiritual number and though his death was a great shock to us all, I don't think or feel as if he is gone, but only in the next room where I can go at anytime and talk to him. Where I can pick up the conversation we were having when he was last here.

He had a habit of blowing into town and not calling me to say he was here. He could be here for months before his wife,of whom she and I are great friends, would tell me he was in town when I'd ask how he was doing. I would be shocked that he hadn't called and a flood of expletives would flow from my mouth to which he would laugh and apologize and try to make amends by saying,"come over and I'll barbecue and make you some coffee."

The last time I talked to him was on the phone and he said, quite seriously,"hey, we're going to have to get together and have coffee." And my reply was,"Yeah, right!" I didn't listen this time. And usually I'm very good at hearing what people don't say or picking up on an illness or warning them about something. On that day he died, I was vacuuming and suddenly had a very bad angina attack. I hadn't eaten and didn't know where it was coming from, but I found the TUMs and silently thought to myself, sure hope that wasn't a preview of a heart attack. Some people would say that was a coincidence, but I'm a Gnostic and we don't believe in coincidences.

I light a candle for him now, and know that I have someone else on the other side I can call on to help me when I need it and pray for me while I'm still here in hell. Richard was Hindu I think or Muslim by religion, but also Gnostic toward the end of his life. His wife and I both know that we don't have to mourn the loss of his presence and his homecoming was just as exciting and crowded as his passing on the golf course. And when he comes to visit many months from now in a dream I'll have where I'll be chewing him out about not contacting me sooner, he'll probably say," I'm sorry, I was finishing up my golf game and I've been playing with some of the greatest golfers of history...come on let's have coffee."

On The Mend

I feel better than I have since I was 10! I finally have an answer to the chronic fatigue that plagues people like myself that have a thyroid disease. I take Kelp and vitamin A everyday and I've lost ten pounds plus and ten inches from around my waist. To those of you who are able to go on a diet and exercise, this may not sound all that ground breaking, but for those of us who suffer with our bodies inability to perform, this is monumentous. For years my doctors all said it was my fault for gaining weight and if I would cut my calories and not eat the way I "use" to eat, I could loose the weight. Not once did they hear me when I said, I don't eat junk, fast foods or gorge food all day long. Not once did they hear me when I said I am exhausted just standing up from the couch or chair. My muscles are cramping in pain...and here the answer was right under their noses. Now of course one doctor says, "that's very intriging! Now you have me coureous why your having these effects." NOW their interested?!! I've lost jobs, social connections, and the ability to have optimum health in these last 10 years and NOW their interested, because I found the cure for me.

Well, the new more energetic me is back to her own business in medical billing, and ready to start writing a book. Am I worried about the economy and how I'll do all of this? Absolutly not! I have my health. And isn't that all you need to make a change?!

Blessings

Lessons Learned Late Are Still Lessons Learned

It wasn't until I was 47 that I was told by a "doctor" that my symptoms of sneezing, uncontrollable coughing, wheezing, muscle pains, and fever were attributed to a cold, not what I have always had...Asthma! A lung disease that gets trivialized in movies with someone over exaggerating a pump of an inhaler and inhaling like their trying to suck up the other side of the planet! In real life your being smothered without having a pillow or bag over your face and you just want to be able to breath deep again, without the irritating scratchiness in your lungs, and build up of phlegm that makes it difficult to eat, sleep or talk. I was stunned! I couldn't relate to people who suffered sneezing,coughing, soar throats, and achy muscles. How lucky they were to have a cure in a few days. I suffered year round!

It wasn't until the end of the week when I told a co-worker that I would be going home this weekend to self medicate my increasing bad Asthma attack and Hay Fever so that I could come back to work on Monday. It took me until late Saturday night to figure out that the cough that wouldn't calm down, and the shivering chills, and hot flashes were not from an out of whack Thyroid(I have that too) or symptoms of Perimenopause-'cause...I have that too. It was a simple cold! So yes, I did self medicate with something to kill the bacteria, "kicked up" my asthma medication a notch, and took an over the counter cold medication. Walla! I'm getting better!

Had someone in the medical field told me or my mother thirty years ago that Asthmatics get colds too, I probably wouldn't have suffered as much as I have with my Asthma. Of course when I mentioned this to my mother, she matter-of-fact said, "Oh...ya...Asthmatics do get colds, but it's just easier for doctors to say it's Asthma when you have a history of it, and tell you to increase your meds and take something for the headaches." I was...stunned again. My mother was holding out on me. But then, in defense of mothers out there, unless you are for warned that your dying tomorrow, we probably won't tell you everything else you need to know to survive, until we turn your life over to you for the last time. That whole pearls of wisdom thing.

So what have I learned from my downtime of reflection during my illness? That that is exactly what illnesses are suppose to do. Force you to take and pay attention to yourself and your own well being. Remind you to take care of you, not have someone else take care of you. Trust in yourself that you have the answer inside if you just stop thinking so much, and just listen. I didn't meditate for hours or blank my mind. I stopped thinking the ticker tape thoughts at the bottom of the screen and just listened for what thoughts came back. It took almost half of my life to learn this lesson, but learned it I did.

Oh, and if you've notice the lower case "d" in doctor and thought it was a mistake (because being human, I make them), this time it wasn't. It is the reaction to the people with that title who have not been taught growing up how to "listen". That their thoughts are most important to hear. Then in school they are not challenged on their thinking and are reinforced that their thoughts are the most important. And then to medical school where they are taught that their thoughts are the bottom line and unquestionable...authoritative. Again,they are taught not to listen. The best healers I have had were the ones that "listen" to what I said and what I didn't say and listened to what my body said and taught me to listen to the signals to become well again. It is only a keystroke to change the case of that letter; which means that I leave the door open for unskilled listeners in the medical field...to change.

I have many more years ahead to learn to listen in other areas of my life. Lessons learned late are still lessons learned.


Blessings

Welcome The New Kid

This... is my first blog. When I first heard about blogging I thought this was another way for the American culture to connect with other human beings without being physically touched. That fifteen minutes of fame for all the world to see and respond back to them. Pithy verbal combat that would catapult them onto a level of being an important somebody to listen to. That was years ago. Now, I'm older and have ulterior motives of my own. My life themes of Rescuer and Builder are fueling me to move forward to rescue people and animals in a new way, and help build better places for them to live in. I've also discovered I'm a healer as well. It sounds grandiose, but I plan on taking small steps. I'm a single parent to an almost twenty-one year old and learning to let go. I have worked as a civil servant for over twenty years with many titles and loads of experience. And now I'm taking the first steps of starting my own business as a medical biller. Rescuing doctors from the high cost of doing business and hopefully building better finances for them, myself and the patients.



We all have someone waiting to come into our lives and effect change in some way that gets us moving. Moving to the next step or stage in our lives. But we've been trained to be followers of a mindset that dictates our likes, dislikes, our spending and non spending, economic and social progress. If we get too much of a charge out of doing good for other people and paying it forward, people at the top of the food chain don't get their cut. People at the bottom get stronger and do better and start creating better ways to get through life so that we all gain, not just a chosen few. My goal is not to be the little guy that needs someone to stand up for them, because I'm in control of my own two legs and can stand on my own two feet. My finances are not to far above my intellect that I can't understand how to better my finances with out a financial advisor. I can converse with my doctor with enough understanding that I take control of my health so well that my doctor works with me, not against me, to create a better way of healthy living. I haven't gotten there yet completely, but I'm working on it.



I hope that with this blog I can rekindle an old love of writing and pass on insight to those of you who are single parents and want to know "...how do you do that?" Sometimes, I look back and wonder how I did it as well. How did I manage to commute eighty miles, buy clothes, food, medicine and be left with seven dollars in the bank. So set me a topic and I'll write about it. Once a week. We all have a life to get back to and spending all of our time on the computer,blogging, is not very productive. :) Thank you for allowing me into your thoughts, and homes.



Blessings to you all



Maria